Emilie is now 29 weeks old. Her weight is hovering just under 3lbs and she is now being fed 12ml of breast milk every 3hrs. Her bowls are working very well, requiring many diapers and frequent changes. Her breathing is improving every day. Though she has not been removed from the ventilator yet, we are hopeful in the next week she should be able to breath on her own. They’re still draining around 12ml of fluid off of her brain each day and they anticipate doing this for the next several weeks. As her condition improves the amount of fluid they drain will decrease. The doctors are hoping (Holly and I are believing) that in time her brain will heal resulting in her not needing a shunt.  

Emilie’s stay at Kaiser Sunset has been interesting. While at Anaheim she had a private room that remained reasonably dark with very little noise. Sunset is the total opposite. Here she is a part of the general population where the bright lights, noise of crying babies, buzzing machines, and chattering nurses is all a part of the ambiance.

Holly and I have debated on whether to send her back to Kaiser Anaheim, which is 35 miles from our house, or Kaiser Fontana, which is only 7 miles away. While Fontana may seem like the logical choice, Holly and I are on a Journey of Faith. Because faith is not known for making the most logical decisions, we want her to be wherever God will be most glorified by the miracle He will perform… even if its 35 miles away. 

I write this as a husband and father who has had the privilege of watching the love of a mother on a child literally shake the heavens. I stand in awe at how comprehensive this love has become manifest. Though her labor was short, her groans in the spirit have not ceased. Her belief in God’s restoration is unwavering, and as an angry bear protects her cubs, this mother will not be threatened, intimidated, nor denied. She is crowned with grace and peace, and I am so proud to be able to call her my baby’s momma. 🙂

 Happy Mother’s Day 

This journey has driven Holly and I to the scriptures like never before. We’re daily searching for comfort and hope within its pages. And yet interestingly the more we study, the more we detect a significant disparity between what the biblical Christian experience was and what we actually experience in our day.

I’m not referring to the first century dress code of sandals and tunics, but rather there was a power that consistently flowed through Jesus and His followers that we rarely see today. They were able to heal the sick, raise the dead, cast out demons, break people out of jail, multiply food, and communicate the Gospel cross-culturally like no other.

These miraculous events were actually the natural result of a life of faith and were expected from followers of Christ. In fact Jesus goes so far to say that the very things He did, those who believe in Him will be able to do themselves and even greater. (John 14:12) And don’t forget Mark 16 “And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall be healed (verse 16 & 17). 

And yet when I survey my Christian experience over the last 32 years I don’t see greater things. Now granted, if I watch TBN long enough I’ll come across Benny Hen or the latest faith healer knocking people out on stage and then flying away in their private jet (No judgment…. I actually have a private jet too… by faith ;-)). But that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about seeing the mighty hand of God move in our church… in my church… in this day.

It seems we’ve traded in our belief in God’s willingness to perform miracles for an overreliance on the wisdom of men. We rationalize away this lack of supernatural activity in our daily life as just a thing of the past. Yet if we’re truthfully biblical, our failure to experience radical divine movements must be attributed directly to our lack of faith, NOT to God’s apparent inactivity.

For the more you study Scripture, the more you’ll realize that God is eager to move mightily on behalf of His people even in this day. He still desires to part the red seas, close the lion’s mouth, heal the sick, and even cause the sun to stand still. He’s God, and He has not changed. I imagine the angels are utterly flabbergasted when we get excited over a light bill paid here or a few extra dollars for gas there. I can hear them now, “Are you serious!?! We serve the God of the universe, who wants to blow your minds with His mighty acts! Exercise your faith by raising your expectation of what God can do and then move forward believing Him do it! He doesn’t want to just give you a few extra dollars for gas, He wants to give you the entire gas station!” 

More Evidence

He’s still the all mighty God who appeared to Abraham, and the ever-present God that walked the Israelites through the desert. Jesus Christ is still the same yesterday, today, and forever, and what He declared in Matt 17:20 still rings true today:  

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. And nothing will be impossible for you.

And this is just the beginning. He also says,

 And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it (John 14:12-14).

When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” “Yes, Lord,” they replied. Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith let it be done to you” (Matt 9:28, 29)

Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment (Matt:15:28)

If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” “ ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes” (Mark 9:22, 23).

 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you (John 15:7).

 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him (1 John 5:14).

 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord.  And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up…. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective (James 5:14-16). 

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God (2 Cor 1:20). 

My Point

Though it’s hard for me to admit, as a pastor I have preached and the church has subscribed to a powerless gospel void of mountain moving faith. While we do believe there is a God in heaven who sent His son to die for us and will one day come back for us this is where our faith begins and, sadly, ends.  Having faith in a God who wants to do great and mighty things through our life (i.e. raise the dead, heal the depressed, cast out demons, deal with debt, etc) is not a part of our theological construct and simply too unrealistic for any logical Christian to believe. Modern day faith isn’t intended to move mountains… just heal colds, after three days of sleep and a heavy dose of Benadryl.  

Yet unfortunately it’s this mentality that will prevent the modern day Christian from ever experiencing the God of the Bible. 

Holly and I, on the other hand, are now convinced that whether it’s healing Emilie Grace, or your child, or your finances, your job, or even your marriage… be it unto you according to your faith. For the bible is clear, nothing is too hard for God. The question that still remains however is, “do you believe?” And if you do, then act like it. 

So will all the real faith healers please stand up! 

Right now Emilie is in surgery to have a reservoir placed in her head. This will help alleviate pressure due to extra fluid on her brain. I ask that you please pray for a successful procedure. We know know that God is in control and that the prayers of the righteous avail much!!

Thank you for your prayers.

2 Corinthians 1:20 – For all the promises of God in Him are yes, and in Him Amen, unto the glory of God through us.  

Today Emilie was taken off the oscillator and placed on a traditional ventilator. This means her need for oxygen support is decreasing, and she is one step closer to breathing on her own. This is a MAJOR step in the right direction. She’s gain 1 lb since birth, now weighing in at 2 lbs 5 ounces. And you wouldn’t believe it but today she finally pooped her pants. Before we know it she’ll be graduating from high school 😉

Some would ask the question, “how do you know God is going to heal Emilie?” Great question! I know because He told me He was, and everything that has led up to her birth and has transpired since her birth has confirmed it.

Let me start from the beginning

Emilie was born Thursday April 11 at 11:38am.

On Thursday April 4 at 9:53am I was at home writing in my prayer journal. This is something I only do a few times a month (though I wish I could say I do it more). However on this particular morning my entry was abnormally short and straight to the point. This was my post…

One week later Emilie was born 16 weeks early.

Fast forward to Sunday April 14, four days after Emilie was born. I was walking through the halls of the hospital despondent, in tears, and utterly confused. As I made my way out to the atrium, rain gently fell around me, I asked God a simple question, “will you heal my daughter?” He responded, “I am able… and I am willing.” Shortly after He reminded me of my journal entry when I told Him I want a faith journey. It was as if the Lord read my journal entry on April 4th and then stopped by the house on April 11th and said, “Hey Seth lets go for a ride!” From that day we’ve never been the same. 

The funny thing about riding with the Lord is that you quickly realize He’s not the smoothest driver. It feels like He hits every pothole and takes the sharpest curves possible. This often leaves many discouraged and ready to bail. However your survival depends on you staying buckled in by His Word. And no matter how bad it may seem you must at all times remain in the vehicle.  When the journey is over and you look back down the road, you’ll clearly see He knew exactly what He was doing. Thus our confidence in Emilie’s healing is based on God’s impeccable driving record. In 6000+ years He’s never been in an accident. 

I’m happy to announce that Emilie’s surgery to close her ductus arteriosus (a valve in her heart that remained open after birth) was successful. This condition is common in most preemies, and surgery is often the primary option. We’re praising God that the surgery was successful!  As a result of the surgery her blood pressure should stabilize and they will be able to aggressively wean her off of the oscillator. These are both very good things. 

Once she further stabilizes the doctors want to transfer her to the Kaiser hospital in Hollywood. There she will receive a ventricular reservoir to drain excess fluid on her brain. As you can imagine, Holly and I are not excited about this procedure; however, we know God does all things well. 

We have clearly seen God’s hand throughout this entire journey, and we know that anywhere He leads us we will safely go! 

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and do not forget all of His benefits: He forgives all our iniquities, and heals all our diseases… Psalms 103:2 & 3

Over the last two days Emilie has “stabilized.” Her oxygen levels are holding steady, and though her blood pressure is still low, it’s consistently low. She has gained weight and is now 2 lbs 3 ounces.

She was scheduled to be transferred to the Kaiser Hospital in Hollywood, however complications with her PDA have prevented this transfer. As a result, she will have a ligation performed on her heart tonight at 8pm. 

With the prognosis on her mental development still grim, and divine intervention absolutely necessary, the question Holly and I have been wrestling with is, “what is the will of God concerning Emilie?”  We are certain she will live and will live abundantly (God’s already confirmed that)…  we are less certain of how God will bring about this abundant life.

While we know the “how” is of less importance, our human nature constantly begs the question,  “Lord how are you going to do it?”  Will He choose to use medical interventions to restore, will He “miraculously” bring her to full recovery independent of any medical assistance (i.e. surgeries), or will He choose a hybrid of sorts?

Case in point, our initial prayer was that God would miraculously close the PDA so we could avoid this surgery all together.  However, it appears He is choosing rather to use the doctors hands to address this open valve. While we still believe He is able to close it, it is His prerogative to determine how He will close it.

This truth strikes at the very core of our understanding of God and the role our faith plays in determining the how. While my faith has the right to ask and believe God for anything (see Mark 11:24), does it also have the right to dictate… (wrong word)… to advise God on how to perform that which I ask?

While I would like to think so, this journey has taught me that faith is less about receiving what we ask for, and more about experiencing the One to whom we’ve asked. Trying to dictate the how robs God of the opportunity to showcase His awe-inspiring splendor, and it cheats us of the opportunity to experience the wonder of His majesty. For while I can only see three ways that God can bring abundant life to Emilie Grace, our heavenly Father has 1000 ways to provide for us of which we know nothing. 

Thus, Holly and I are sitting on the edge of our seats eagerly anticipating a mighty move of God. And while we would love to dictate the how, we know that God does all things well. Our only prayer is that however He chooses to move, it would be so magnificent it will cause everyone to pause and acknowledge that He is indeed the Great Physician. 

As I pulled into our neighborhood last night, I silently whispered to myself how nice it would be if there was an open parking space in front of our house. This whisper, which had turned into a hopeful prayer, was quickly shut down by the reality that there is NEVER AN OPEN PARKING SPACE IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSE…. especially at 10:30pm!! (please hear the frustration in my voice!) 

As I weaved around the various corners nearing our house I thought to myself,

“Lord, you knew I was coming home late tonight. Why couldn’t you post an angel up by one of the spots to masquerade as a car so no one would see the empty spot?” 

My overly vivid imagination pictured a massive angel with a flaming sword, defending the parking spot nearest to our house, refusing to let anyone park because it was reserved for one of God’s children. (I actually pictured it was the same angel that God posted at the entrance of the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve were evicted…LOL).

As I neared the house I thought about all the times God took care of His children in the bible. He looked out for them. Even when it came to the small things. He was there… attentive and involved. I lamented the fact that nowadays He seems so distant… so passive. 

As this thought was crossing my mind, I pulled around the last corner onto our street.  Able to now see all the available parking, I was immediately embarrassed by my recent quibble with God.  An angel had reserved my favorite spot just for me, and all I could do was smile  🙂

God still answers prayer….  #emiliegrace 

In 1 Kings 18 Elijah has a showdown with the prophets of Baal to see who really is God. Elijah watches the prophets of Baal dance around their altar all day long to no avail. He then instructs them to fill four large pitchers with water and pour it over the wood on his altar. He does this three times. With the wood soaked and the trench filled with water, he calls on the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to rain down fire in the sight of all men that they may know that He is God. Without delay, God sends fire down and it burns up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones, the soil, and also licks up the water in the trench. The people then fall on their faces and cry out, “The Lord – He is God!”

Yesterday the doctors performed a echocardiogram on Emilie Grace to see if the patent ductus arteriosus (PDA) is open or closed. While the test was inconclusive, her vital signs are still suggesting that the valve has not yet closed. This is more water on the wood.

Hydrocephalus

Holly and I just received a call from the doctor. She informed us that based on Emilie’s head ultrasound today, it appears she has hydrocephalus. This is a buildup of fluid inside the skull that leads to brain swelling. To address this they will need to place a shunt in her brain to drain this fluid. Even more water on the wood.

This is further complicated because the hospital she currently is receiving care from is not able to perform this procedure. She would need to be transferred to another hospital in Hollywood for the procedure to be done. Because of her fragile state, a transfer at this time could have several negative repercussions. Yet even still more water on the wood.

Despite all of our wood being soaked with water, Holly and I still believe God can set it on fire. Steven Furtick says it best in Sun Stand Still, “God likes to wet the wood before he sets it on fire. That way, everybody knows who made it burn.”