A few days ago Emilie celebrated her 100th day birthday! And the nurses were kind enough to threw her a birthday party and even have a diaper cake for her!

She currently weighs 7 lbs 1.2 ounces. She’s being fed 60 ml of breast milk every three hours, 25 ml of which she sucks from a bottle.

She will be transferred to Kaiser Fontana tomorrow (July 29th) so the doctor can replace the reservoir with a shunt. Though Holly and I will miss the medical team at Kaiser Anahiem, having her in Fontana is significantly closer to our home. It will be much easier for us to see her on the days when we work.

We’re still praying against her need for a shunt. We do believe that God has healed her and right now we’re just waiting patiently for it to manifest. Until then we will continue to trust God and celebrated every day of her life.

I was encouraged and slightly rebuked this morning through my morning devotion. It was taken from My Utmost For His Highest. It read that we have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.

Through this I was reminded not to allow the goal to become a god. But to remember that God’s ways are not my ways, nor are His thoughts my thoughts. He knows exactly what He’s doing and He knows exactly when He’s doing.

However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” Luke 18:8

There is a tension I’m beginning to experience as July 30th approaches and the report is that Emilie will still require several more weeks of NICU care before she is discharged. My prayer has always been, “Lord July 30th, her original due date, please send her home… healthy and whole.” And yet this place between what I believe by faith and what I’m told in the report is the battleground where, like many, my faith will live or die.

Yet I’m not surprised that I’m finding myself in this place of tension… this battleground. I’ve learned that in order for faith to be more than just wishful thinking it must be tested. It must be assailed by every human emotion. The natural realm must attack the very thing we’re believing God for in order for us to be proven worthy of God’s commendation, “Well done thou good and faithful.” And I am convinced that it’s this very battleground where the salvation of many will be lost.

I think Jesus knew this when He said, “However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” It’s as if He knew  that those who will stand at the end will not be individuals of a certain religion or church. They won’t be people who look right, talk right, and worship right. But those who will be saved will be individuals who demonstrate unwavering faith.

Yet Jesus’ question implies that this faith will be hard to come by. That mankind will be driven more by the natural than the supernatural… that in the end, a raw belief in the power of God will be rare.   

So rare that many Christian “believers” will classify those who demonstrate such radical faith as being idealist, unrealistic, and even delusional. Yet this misclassification only happens because most have never experienced the result of such radical faith.

Case in point: If we grew up in a community where immovable mountains were regularly moved, it would be much easier to believe that God can and will do the impossible. But because we don’t have these experiences to draw on, it becomes significantly more difficult to believe.  Thus the only way to makes sense of that which makes no sense is to deny it. Not because its not possible, but because we’ve never seen it.

Yet I find it interesting that we don’t we apply this same experience test to our salvation. You see it’s culturally acceptable within the Christian community to believe that one day the sky will be filled with thousands of angels and that we will float towards heaven, never to return. But its not so acceptable to believe that contrary to a doctor’s report the prayer of faith can heal the sick. Or that by faith your marriage can be restored no matter how severe the infidelity.

My point is this: The nature of faith requires it to be tested. And contrary to the reality of our experience we must stand on God’s Word. For if we can believe God for salvation based solely on His Word in spite of the abundant evidence against us (i.e. our sins), then we must also believe God to do the impossible in every area of our life based solely on His Word. So whether you’re desiring to experience the impossibility of salvation or the simple restoration of a marriage,  be it unto you according to your faith.

…Let God be true and every man a liar! (Romans 3:4)

Emilie’s hydrocephalous has been the direct recipient of my prayer attacks.  And yet it seems the more I pray the worse it gets. The doctors recently told us that the hydrocephalous is increasing. Consequently, they’ve had to increase the frequency of when they drain the fluid off of her brain from every other day to every day. Further, because she’s now 4 pounds she qualifies to receive a shunt. So they’ve begun making arrangements for her transfer back to Kaiser Sunset where this procedure will take place. As you can imagine we are NOT excited about Kaiser Sunset! 

For many weeks now I’ve been praying against this shunt. The thought of a cord being placed in my daughter’s head that will run down her neck into her stomach is very unsettling.  And thus I’ve been praying that God would heal her of this infirmity. That overtime the fluid would decrease and the only reason she would need a transfer to Sunset is to remove the reservoir, not install a shunt.  However with the increase of fluid and the transfer arrangements being made a shunt appears nearly inevitable. 

Yet the text says, “Let God be true and every man a liar.” How counterintuitive. As her hydrocephalous continues to worsen I’m naturally inclined to believe that God’s promises are a lie and the hydrocephalous is true. However for the Christian the truthfulness of one’s situation is not determined by the facts that appear to be present, but by God’s Word.

If God’s Word declares something to be true, no amount of verifiable evidence, scientific proof, or common sense can make it untrue. So no matter how severe the hydrocephalous may be, if God says she’s healed, she’s healed! So what then do you do with the “reality” of the situation? Great question! You choose to operate based on what God says and not on what you see. And you then trust God with the results. 

She has grown so much! It feels like just yesterday I was crying over her small 1.5 pound fragile body as she was being wheeled out of the delivery room.  And now she is 34 weeks old, and weighs 3 pounds 14 ounces.  Her awareness has greatly increased and she spends roughly 45 minutes of every 3 hours wide awake. She’s been extubated for several weeks now and has not looked back. Over the next day or so they’ll be removing her from the isolette and will place her in an open crib. She’s finally graduated from just wearing a diaper to wearing little onesies, though we’ve yet to find ones that fit her (i.e. preemie cloths are hard to come by).

Holly and I have begun to prepare our home for her arrival. Painting has been completed, new carpet has to be laid, furniture needs to be assembled, and clothes need to be purchased.  This is definitely an exciting time for us as we behold the healing hand of God moving on her behalf. 

We marvel at the progress she has made over the last ten weeks

Sometimes when I look at Emilie Grace I like to play the guessing game. Whose bright, round eyes does she have? How did she come by such small, delicate lips? From whence came her wee button nose? At times she may look like my dad while at others I’m seeing the makings of a Yelorda. But there’s one thing I’m sure about when I look at Emilie Grace, she has Seth’s hands. With her long fingers, wide palms and large nail beds, even doctors and nurses have remarked at how beautiful her hands are. It’s an odd observation, but I tend to believe them because they have the opportunity to see numerous little hands.

Like Emilie, Seth has a pair of hands that are so large and elegant they seem almost destined for an instrument. Strong and nimble with an ironclad grip, Seth’s hands are graceful without intent. He has the strongest, stiffest and most durable nail plates of anyone I’ve met. But his skin is soft and gentle, his palms, smooth and clean, his fingers, brawny and lean. These are intentional and abiding hands. Affectionate, gracious and guiding hands. His hands are sensitive, shrewd and secure. They create, cultivate and establish. They are more than capable. The character of Seth’s hands, much like the character of the man is many contrasting things, but altogether beautiful. 

I thank God that I put my hand in his on a cold December day, a little more than two years ago. There we began a journey not too unlike the journey of faith we’re currently on. And as we journey over hills and valleys, through rough places and plains, I know that Emilie and I are in good hands. With each passing day, I pray God will continue to bless these hands and the man I love. 

Happy Father’s Day!

Today Emilie was extubated. Actually she self-extubated. While Holly was kangarooing her, Emilie reached up and removed the tape from the side of her face which was holding her ET tube in place. We suspected this would happen because she’s been playing with the tube all week. Well today she finally accomplished her mission (as you can see she’s lifting her hand in praise for the tube being gone!) The good thing in this is that the doctors were planning to extubate her today anyway, she just beat them to it. 

While many babies her age normally require re-intubation several times after they’ve been extubated, Holly and I are not claiming this for Emilie. We are believing that she will not require re-intubation. We believe her lungs are strong enough to carry the load, and that God will sustain. 

Ezekial 37:5 – Thus saith the Lord GOD… Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live:

Holly has started Kangaroo Care with Emilie. From what we’re told this is the best level of care parents can provide their newborn babies. Also known as skin-to-skin, its the closest thing to recreating a womb like experience for Emilie. Holly has found this bonding time with Emilie to be very meaningful and important. Every day she looks forward to spending hours with Emilie sleeping peacefully on her chest. While she has encouraged me to participate, I’m less than comfortable moving Emilie out of her isolette while she is still on direct oxygen support. However I do long to hold my child and will give it a chance… as soon as she’s off the ventilator 😉

Emilie has now reached 31 weeks. Minus the daily ups and downs associated with all preemies, her overall health is improving everyday. She has become increasingly feisty (which came from her mother’s side) and now attempts to position herself however she chooses. If she’s not satisfied with the position the nurse places her in she will attempt to turn, rollover, or even lift herself up to find the position that best suits her. If it wasn’t for the ET tube restricting her movement I’m sure by now she’d be doing cartwheels.

The doctors are still drawing off roughly 10ml every other day from the reservoir in her head due to the hydrocephalous. She’s being fed 24ml of breast milk every 3 hours and they have supplemented this with additional calories to assist her development. For the past week her little tummy has been quite distended. While it looks like a beer belly, the x-rays reveal that its just filled with gas possibly due to the extra calories. With periodic assistance from glycerin suppositories, her stools (which now smell like an adults :-/) are fairly regular. The doctors will possibly make an attempt to extubate her (i.e. take her off the ventilator) this week.

With all this said, our faith in God’s promise of her healing grows stronger each day. In spite of the ups and downs, we are holding to His Word and we will not be moved. We are thanking God in advance for the hydrocephalous being eliminated without the need of a shunt. We are believing God, that He has addressed her distended belly and that it will not result in any further complications. We praise Him for her successful removal from the ventilator without the need for re-intubation. And we rejoice that her brain function will far surpass that of her peers.

So with every challenge we encounter we praise Him in advance, because we know that this battle has already been won. 

 The Lord is my light and my salvation— so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble? When evil people come to devour me, when my enemies and foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident. Psalms 27:1-3

Holly and I recently finished the book Sun Stand Still. If you haven’t read it yet, we HIGHLY recommend you do so. It will give your faith a shot in the arm by reminding you of just how GOOD and how GREAT our God is. Below are key excerpts from the book that really stood out to us:

If you’re not daring to believe God for the impossible, you’re sleeping through some of the best parts of your Christian life. And further still: if the size of your vision for your life isn’t intimidating to you, there’s a good chance it’s insulting to God.

There’s nothing our world needs more desperately today— in individuals, families, businesses, churches, and communities— than God’s saving, supernatural acts. And he’s ready to act if we will be bold enough to ask, not just for a good day or a better life, but for the impossible.

You and I may not see the same miracles Joshua did, but we serve the same God. His nature never changes. The same power that stopped the sun and raised Christ from the grave lives in every believer. God still demonstrates his power and supplies his provision in direct proportion to the faith of his children.

God gives people the exact experiences he wants them to have in order to shape the specific destiny he’s designed for them.

It’s not wrong to feel fear. It is wrong to let that fear have the last word in your life. The people who accomplish the most astounding things for God’s glory aren’t the people who feel the least fear. Often they’re the ones who deal with the most intense fear. But instead of letting that fear disable their dreams, they start increasing their capacity for faith. They act on the part of God’s direction they do understand. And they leave the rest up to him.

To really pray with power and to trust Jesus radically, you need to consume as much of God’s Word as you possibly can. Increase your exposure to teaching and preaching about Jesus. Prioritize the presence of God in your daily life. That’s where the power of belief takes hold and the process of true faith begins.

Between the promise and the payoff there’s always a process. That process is where your audacious faith comes into play. Without the process, there is no progress. But the process is usually filled with pain. And if you don’t know how to process the process, you probably won’t make it to your promised land.

If you’re going to have the audacity to ask God for something, you’d better be ready to act. Audacious prayer must be tethered to practical obedience. Or else it’s not faith. It’s just wishful thinking and positive mental energy. No wonder so many of our prayers aren’t answered. We pray for a miracle, but we fail to make a move.

The ability to stay tuned in to what you’ve heard when you can’t see any proof is what separates audacious faith from wishful thinking.

When what you see around you doesn’t match up with what God has spoken inside you, you’ve got to hold on to what you’ve heard.

Hope is a desire. Faith is a demonstration. Hope wants it to happen. Faith causes it to happen and acts as if it’s already done. Faith is not content to want it really, really bad. Faith consults the drawings and gets busy building. Hope is the blueprint. Faith is the contractor.

Today Emilie cried. It wasn’t her first time, but for some reason it felt different today. Because she’s still intubated it wasn’t a traditional cry with tears and screams, but this cry nonetheless pierced my spirit. The nurse and RT turned her on her back and were replacing the tape holding her ET tube in place. While this shouldn’t have been a traumatic experience, today Emilie was not having it. She turned tomato red and her face scrunched up as though she was preparing to belt out a scream that would acutely reflect her displeasure. With no sounds coming out, her face began to grimace as her eyes, which were wide open, slowly paced back and forth. She was searching for someone to help.

As her mother and I stood over her isolette helpless and broken, we placed our hands on her softly and sang this gently song:

Peace is when the wind stops blowing
Peace is where the sun is showing
Knowing that my Daddy’s here
God gives me peace

Peace, peace
I think I understand
Peace, peace
Is holding Jesus’ hand

Peace is when I’m tucked in bed
When my mommy pats my head
Peace is smiling while I sleep
God gives me peace

Peace, peace
I think I understand
Peace, peace
Is holding Jesus’ hand